Monday, November 26, 2012

In Which Christmas Gets On My Last Nerve

Well, tis the stinking season!  I know I don't celebrate Christmas for religious reasons, but I'm telling you, I honestly believe that if the holiday were central to my religious beliefs there are some things about it that I would still just LOATHE. 
Item 1:  Those dadblasted Salvation Army bell ringers. 
For goodness sake, they are EVERYWHERE!!!  Now say, hypothetically, that one WAS a celebrator of the Christmas holiday, and one had to go out Christmas shopping.  One would never, I'm assuming, find all the presents in one place, so one would have to travel from store to store, and at all of said stores, would be accosted by the bell ringers.  Flailing about with their obnoxious bells, screaming their little greetings of things like the one I heard today at Walmart, which was "Merrr Christmas!"  (there was no y on the end of merry!) So what's the etiquette rule on stuff like that?  If you give to the one in front of the door at Walmart, do you have to give to the one at the door at Kmart?  And what about Target?  Since I myself do not celebrate the holiday and do not wish to give to their cause, I find myself avoiding eye contact and trying to dodge in and out of stores unnoticed.  But I imagine that even those who do celebrate the holiday and wish to give SOMETIMES still do not want to be accosted with the bells and screamed greetings ALL THE TIME.
Item 2:  The "Christmas Spirit."  Now I'm no expert, obviously, but from what I can tell, the "Christmas spirit" entails fighting over socks in department stores, or fighting over parking spaces in malls, and stealing whenever anyone isn't watching their purse carefully enough.  I personally do not care for what I have seen of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, I can never wait for the holidays to be over so that people's "spirit" can get a little calmer and go back to normal.
Item 3:  The worms that crawl into ones brain and lay eggs there which turn into larvae which thereafter turn into more worms that never, ever get out of your brain that are also known as Christmas Carols. 
Why, WHY are these particular songs so catchy???  I have never celebrated the holiday in my entire life.  How I know the words to all these songs is completely beyond me.  But I can be in a store and hear a little snippet of one, and I swear to you, it will be days, DAYS I TELL YOU, before I can get it out of my head.  In my Jr. High French class, the teacher taught the other kids one French Christmas carol.  I learned it by osmosis, just sitting there in the room, doing other work while they learned it.  In fact, to my recollection, I was one of the FIRST kids to learn all the words.  The kids who actually practiced the song and celebrated the holiday had a much harder time with it than I did.  Well, the music to that particular song is now featured, without lyrics, in a commercial for Biltmore Estate.  This class I took was um, about 25 years ago.  I never sang the durn song.  And yet, after that commercial runs, I sit around for hours with the words running through my head "Ah flambeau Jeanette Isabella....le Christ et nee, Mary appelle...Ah, ah, que le mere et belle!  Ah, ah, ah que l'enfant et beau!"  IN FRENCH!!!!  Even the stupid carol in a language I DO NOT REALLY KNOW will not get out of my head! AAAARRRRGH!!!!
Ok, well, I'm done venting now.  I'm gonna go off to bed now and try to not hear the Salvation Army bells and the Christmas Carols in my head.

14 comments:

  1. OH Shelly It will soon be over. I did celebrate Christmas and I am so thankful we do not now. It is the most stressful time of year and very few except small children are merry.

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  2. Those were the songs I learned to play on the piano and you are right - you can remember every word of them. I try to stay far, far, far away from any forms of shopping at this time of year.

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  3. Notice that not so many people are commenting on this as usual..... I happen to know that's because certain people hate that they love it!!! The whole hustle, bustle, lights and music thing --- they love it but know its for a wrong reason so they try to hate it. If you know what I mean. Not me. Personally I stay out of stores if possible and even trying to listen to the radio is practically impossible. It always just makes me so glad I don't do it!

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    1. I like the lights, but that's the extent of it!

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    2. I hate it...you can't find a parking space to even get into the stores, and people are so rude. And the Christmas music drives me nuts! I do wish people put up lights for something other than Christmas, because I think the white lights are pretty and have always wanted to do the icicle lights around my house.

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  4. Totally totally agree!! The songs stay in your head for days! People are strung out like...well you can use your imagination on that one. But, what TRULY fascinates me is your freak of nature MEMORY!!! Good grief how do you remember these things? A song from 25 years ago in French.....did I even take a language class or even go to school for that matter? You can recall the most minute details it's incredible! My memory is so bad you'd think I did some serious drugs. You are my hero cause I can't remember..............what the heck was I writing about??

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    1. It IS weird. My kids have memories like that too. They remind me of stuff that was said or done that I've completely forgotten and can quote entire commercials and stuff. But my memory of recent stuff is horrible, I can never remember anything lately!

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  5. Well, as someone who used to stand outside of stores ringing that stupid bell in the freezing cold for hours, this is yet one MORE reason why I am glad I no longer celebrate Christmas. I just heard my dad on the phone with Salvation Army (he is very active with them) trying to sign up for a time to ring the bell again this year. I am glad I am no longer asked to do this with him!!

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    1. Well, at least I'm sure that you and your Dad don't say "Merr Christmas!" Lol! I mean, if you're gonna do it, at least enunciate! :)

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  6. Oh, and it also irritates me that all the nice things for poor people are this time of year. Like, I would love to give a poor child a toy, but I can't conscientiously give to toys for tots, knowing it is going to get put under a Christmas tree. Or the angel tree they do at work. They make you feel guilty for not giving, but if it was ANYTHING other than for Christmas I would do it. But no one does anything like that at another time of the year.

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  7. Oh my goodness......... My precious daughter-in-law was an annoying bell ringer!!! I know your dad does lots of kind charitable type things, like helping disadvantaged kids. Etc., but I really cannot imagine him standing outside Walmart ringing one of those bells! And I sure cant imagine Sara doing it. Wowsers! If you can do that, ringing people's doorbells and annoying one person at a time shouldn't bother you at all!

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  8. Well phooey. I made a comment on this ages ago, but it didn't post! It was about my reaction to bellringers...can't say I love the racket, but I feel sorry for them out there in the cold being ignored by everyone, so I make a serious point of greeting them brightly. Nobody likes to be ignored, and they are trying to do a good deed, so they get a cheery "howzitgoin?" from me!

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  9. Your blogs crack me up. I am also mom to 4 and I see the world through the same comedically cynical eyes. Also raised in the truth, so often have wondered how I know the words to xmas songs!?!? At the same time, so many of the the Kingdom songs have been changed so now I no longer know the words to many of those that I used to! It would be very helpful if they would play the kingdom songs thru the speakers at Walmart!

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  10. You are a hoot sis, and your words sure do ring true with me on this topic as well! I took 2 years of French 30 years ago and I can remember most of the French national anthem. I can also remember most of the words to about every song from 1970's-era Sesame Street shows and the Music Man movie. But I don't know where my keys are...

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