Tuesday, December 25, 2012

In Which I Relax With My Family

Today was such a great day!  Not in a riding roller-coasters, dancing and drinking champagne kind-of way.  But in a chilling out with my family kind of way. 
Dalton (who is nine) is off staying with my Aunt, so the house is unusually calm and quiet, even with 3 other children present!  Lol!  I spent yesterday putting together lasagna, and my sister made cake and salad, and she and her Beloved Hub came this morning (we haven't seen each-other in quite some time) and played with babies, ate, and talked all day.  The babies warmed back up to her pretty quickly.  When it's been awhile it takes them a few minutes, but I swear they know her now and it doesn't take long for them to be all over her, begging for snuggles and attention.  She read them books, did "piggies," and all that good stuff babies like.  We watched them jump in Aila's crib for the longest time, they both use it like it's a trampoline.  We fed them and cleaned them up and all of us went to the park and took them for a walk and watched them play on the playground equipment.  We all jumped and dove and climbed and did whatever it took to save the two of them from breaking their little necks, which they seemed DETERMINED to do.  Weston kept trying to see what kind of noise he could make if he banged his head into the metal poles that held up the equipment, and Aila kept trying to walk off the steps at full speed.  There was a lot of gasping and grabbing and going "NO!" But with four adults all working together, they not only survived, they had a great time playing. 
We came back to the house and fed them a snack of bananas and cheese and juice, and then watched them run around the living room acting crazy, meowing at the cat, standing on their heads, etc...  Then Brenna my 16 yr old) got a sheet and played with the twins under it as if it were a tent.  They giggled their little heads off and it was quite adorable, if I do say so myself.  By the time my sister had to leave, they were worn out and ready for bed. 
Brenna and I watched a movie together that I had recorded and now it's time for me to head to bed myself.  Just really enjoyed my day with my hubby and my sister and my kids, and now I'm just missing the one who's gone to his Auntie's house!  I sure do love my crazy house full of youngins! It's crowded and messy and loud, but there's a lot of love in here. 

Friday, December 21, 2012

Well, it's happening again.  I've been feeling depressed, overwhelmed, angry at the world, etc... and just not felt like writing or doing anything else.  Looking back at my blog posts, I realize that the last time I felt that way for an extended period of time was about a month ago, for about a week.  If you know what I mean.  So that MAY have something to do with it.
I have issues with depression, which I am not shy about, but it's hard for me to write about on here or talk about in front of people I don't know very well.  You never know who "gets" it and who will just think you're a wack-job.  Of course, I kinda AM a wack-job, but you know what I mean.  Sometimes I just feel uncomfortable letting people know just how crazy I really am.  But then sometimes I think it might help other people if they are also kinda crazy and they read about my craziness and then they knew they were not alone in their nuttiness.  So I vascillate about whether or not to discuss it here.  I think part of it is PMS, part of it is just that the whole world SUCKS and that, like the bumper-stickers say, "If you're not outraged then you're not paying attention."  I also saw a snippet of an interview that David Lettermen recently did with Oprah where he discusses his own depression, and he said "It's like looking at the world with 20/20 vision." 
I have strong faith, and I have my beliefs about the future, but that doesn't make the PRESENT a whole lot easier.  This world is a horrible place where unimaginably horrible things happen and no one is really safe and secure ever at any given time.  You ever ride a ride at the fair or something and once it starts moving you realize it's really just too much for you to handle, you're terrified, and you just want OFF THE RIDE!?  And you start praying and praying that if you can just get off the ride without dying you'll never, ever get on one like it again?  That's kinda how I feel about life sometimes.  It's too much!  I'm not tough enough for this!  Please God, make it stop!!!!  And Tom Cruise can bite my hiney, cuz I'm here to say that when you take antidepressants, it takes the edge off that feeling.  All the problems are still there, but for some reason, you can DEAL with it better when your seratonin level is right and your brain chemicals are firing right.  At least, till PMS time rolls around and you get struck with it again.  :)  Gotta love PMS! Remember that song from West Side Story "I Enjoy Being A Girl?"  Well, that's a bunch of crap!
So anyway, enough about that for today, but that's what happens to me sometimes, and that's the way I've been feeling lately.  Just overwhelmed and sad.  But then, a couple of wonderful things happened, and now I'm feeling better.  First, I went to Walmart to buy myself a bottle of the cheapest possible wine, since I have recently discovered that a glass of wine, much like my meds, also takes the edge off!  So I get in the line with my purchase and the lady carded me.  I laughed my butt off, and I needed that.  The laughing improved my mood, if not the flattery!  Next, my sister texted me today, and informed me that she had dusted a live bat while she was cleaning a house, and it had flown around the room, and she had freaked out and was hiding in the bathroom while texting me.  My sister is usually not afraid of anything, and the thought of the bat taking off when she dusted it and also of her hiding in the bathroom for some reason sent me into a fit of giggles that lasted so long I started wheeze-laughing like Deputy Dog.  She could've gotten rabies and it really wasn't funny, but for some reason the mental image of it just had me dying!  Thirdly, my Aunt Marilyn took my son for a few days, and I will miss him badly, but now that's one less child around here for me to worry about for a few days, and that takes a little load of stress off.  Lastly, Brenna and I went to the 2$ movies tonight, which we haven't done in forever, and before the movie started a very annoying college girl and her mother had an extremely loud, obnoxious conversation RIGHT BEHIND US.  Everyone else in the theater was whispering their conversations, but these two just practically SCREAMED theirs, and you could tell it was because they were the kind of people who want you to know that a) the girl is in college and b) she has some friends.  So through this, Brenna and I came to know that the girl rides horses, lives in the creepiest building on campus, doesn't have any labs next semester, has two roommates named Katy and Veronica, and they are all taking a car trip to Michigan next year, and they plan to rent a car because by then Veronica will be 21.  Also, we learned that this girl snarfs popcorn like her bucket is the last one on earth, but we did not learn that from her SAYING it.  Anyway..... we were trying not to look at each-other and not to crack up laughing while they were talking to each-other SOOOO LOUDLY, but then the conversation went like this... Mom: So have you talked to Katy lately?  Girl: Why would I?  Mom: Because she's your roommate!  Girl:  Mama, that girl ain't never there exceptin to eat (insert chomps on popcorn here) and leave!  And, she's so LOUD.  I cain't stand how loud that girl is! 
At this point, Brenna and I are shaking all over and tears are running down our faces.  God forbid Katy be LOUD!  Why, THAT would be obnoxious!  And then, Mama chimed in with this gem...  "Well, you ain't exactly quiet yourself!"  At that point I was starting to snort and we had to get up and move to other seats way behind them cuz I was afraid they would beat us up when they realized we were laughing at them.  And not WITH them, mind you, we were laughing AT them. 
So anyway, the movie was stupid but just that little show was worth the 2$ all by itself.  Now I'm gonna take me some ibuprofen, have a glass of wine, and try to get a good night's sleep.  I think the funk is finally lifting!  At least till next month, at about this time.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

In Which The Kids Are Sick Adadgummedgain

Twins and I were waiting in the van for Dalton to get off the bus on Friday so we could go run some errands.  He jumped in and announced that his head hurt and that he couldn't wait to get home, put on some pajamas, and "rest my head."  I thought that was kind of a weird thing to say, but I wasn't too concerened.  A little later, while running the errands, he asked me, "Mom, what's the flu?"  I explained what it is and asked why he wanted to know.  "Cuz some of my friends at school are out cuz they have the flu."  Should've been clue number two, but it didn't register.  Then we picked up Brenna, and we all went home.  When we pulled into the driveway, Dalton said "I can't wait to go inside and run myself a nice hot bath.  I might even put a cold washcloth on my head to make it feel better."  Brenna turned to me, confused, and made a very rude and yet hilarious comment about him turning into a girl.  I STILL didn't think to check the kid's forehead.  He took his bath, wrapped himself in a giant blanket (and it was warmish!) and laid down on the sofa, and that's when I saw it.  Whenever he gets a fever, his eyes turn down even more than they normally do, and they sink back in his head.  Charles saw it at about the same time I did and said "Does he have a fever?"  Sure enough, he was burning up. 
I told him to go watch movies in his room and stay there so he'd be away from the babies.  They have had flu shots, but you know how it is, there's so many different strains, it seems like people always get it anyway.  And everyone in our house has taken turns being sick for the past month or so, so here we go again.  Also, the babies have had diarrhea for 2 days straight, but I'm telling myself they're just teething.  They get all pitiful when they've had an "episode," and they come to me wanting to be picked up.  I pick them up, and then get a whiff, or worse, feel something wet.  Twice now I've had to change my own clothes.  That's always fun. 
So today, we missed service (but everyone slept in till 11 and it felt great!) and we also had to cancel plans we had to go to someone's house for dinner.  Bren and I waited till the babies went to bed and snuck off to Target to look at things we want but can't afford and then to the frozen yogurt place to make sure we, and when I say "we" I mean of course I, don't waste away to nothing for the winter, cuz that would be unfortunate.  Brenna made jokes the whole time about how cool she is and how all her friends are probably so jealous, getting to hang out with her mom on a Saturday night at Target.  But I swear, to me there is nothing quite as fun as when the two of us are together and alone in the car and can sing along to the Shakira cd and imitate the parts where she sounds like a goat, the parts where she sounds like Kermit the Frog, and even imitate the guitar.  Or when we're walking through the store and we pass someone who's doing something (talking too loud on their cellphone, or some stupid teenage boy acting a fool to impress his friends, or a goth and highly unbathed couple looking at Twilight posters, etc...) and we don't even say a word, we just meet eyes and share our opinion via meeting of the minds.  It's so cool to have a younger, cuter, smarter, thinner, better-at-math version of myself to hang out with! 
Later, we'll watch SNL together and then quote the funny parts to each other for weeks.  Also, we both have that Raynaud's syndrome thingy where are feet and hands are always frozen from poor circulation.  So when we watch SNL together we will both try to stick our feet under the other's hiney for warmth.  It's a tradition. 
Behind me there are nasty, nasty high chairs and a nasty, nasty floor beneath them where earlier, while "eating" dinner, Aila decided to throw meatloaf, green beans, and pickled beets.  I am so sick of cleaning up those kinds of messes, I just left it there and went to Target.  Now I'm leaving it there and typing.  I should probably go clean it up.  *Sigh.*
So if you don't hear from me for a few days, it's because I'm back in sick kid land.  Checking temperatures, changing poo diapers, and stepping in pickled beets. 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

In Which I Got Mad Skills Yo

Yesterday I was riding along in the van with the twins, and they were hungry, and I did my little trick of running through McDonalds and picking up some value fries, and then tossing them to the twins all the way in the back.  It occurred to me that not just anyone could do this, and I am now a near pro.  If it were an olympic event, I would win.  The twin's carseats are in the waaay back third row of the van, and I'm in the front driver's side (natch) and the trick is to throw the fry from one end so that it flies, end over end, right into the lap of the baby. Then they giggle, pick it up, and eat it.  They're only one, so if the fry goes too far to the right or left, or misses their lap, they can't retrieve it, so it requires some pretty good hand-eye coordination to accomplish, but it is possible.   And yes, I do this only at stoplights!  I often wonder what the people in the cars behind me think I'm doing. As I was doing this yesterday, I thought of my sister and her three, year- apart babies, and how she used to cram bits of peanut butter sandwich into their little mouths in the station wagon on their way to places.
Another skill I have acquired since having the twins is the superhuman strength needed to hold two massive babies at once.  At this point, Weston weighs just over 25lbs, Aila just over 20lbs.  But I can have one on each hip, and walk around holding them ok.  Which is not to say it feels great, because it doesn't, but it's much better than listening to screaming because somebody wants their mommy.  When I go to bed at night, my spine sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies, cuz it's all "Snap, Crackle, and Pop!"  But I can do it, and I often do. 
Also, whipping up a meal for tiny hungry people. I'm pretty sure at this point I can make four slices of french toast and two scrambled eggs with cheese in a matter of seconds, with one arm tied behind my back, AND blindfolded.  Anything they like to eat, I've mastered it, in record time. 
The other mommy skill I have whipped is DIAPERS.  The other day, I had a record of 7 poopy diapers all in one day.  Weston 4, Aila 3.  Today so far, there have been 3.  You would not BELIEVE the amount of poo that can come out of two very healthy eating one-year olds.  Also, how much you can tell about how healthy they eat FROM their poo.  There's corn, there's kale, there's definite blueberry!  And Aila's love for cherry tomatoes is quite evident.  It's lovely.  Everytime I think it's over with for awhile cuz I just changed one, one of them walks by and I get a whiff. 
I can bathe them from head to toe in seconds flat.  They're used to it, they don't even mind me pouring the water over their heads to wash and rinse their hair, it doesn't faze them.  Also dressing them.  Didja read that funny viral post about dressing a baby being like trying to get a live squid in a string bag with no arms hanging out?  That's EXACTLY what it's like, but I've discovered the secret.  Weston will be still if you hand him a shoe to hold.  Especially one with laces.  Aila will be still if you hand her a hairbrush and tell her to brush her hair and make it pretty.  I can get myself and the two babies dressed,  and the diaper bag packed with cups of warm milk etc.. and get four kids in the car and buckled in ALL in the time it takes my husband to dress himself.  I am the master.  I am Supermom.  And we're usually ONLY about 15 minutes late!  Lol!
I can also push a cart with one baby in it while holding the other on my hip, get a double stroller with two babies in it down stairs, open my own doors while pushing the double stroller,  load the van with two babies, the groceries I just got, AND put the double stroller back in the van all by myself.
I hear a lot of "Wow!" and "Well, you've sure got your hands full!" and "How do you do all that?"  When I'm out and about with the twins.  I enjoy the praise, but the truth is, anybody could do it if they HAD to.  It's not easy and it takes a little muscle and planning and ingenuity, but it can be done.   So for all the moms out there, and especially the ones who had tiny ones right in a row, or the ones like my cousin and I who did it two at a time, We are women, hear us roar!  We have skills we didn't even know we had.  And if the olympics ever comes out with a poo cleaning event, I'll see you guys there!

Monday, December 3, 2012

In Which I Have Nightmares

It's time for bed, but I'm procrastinating.  Play one more video game, write something on my blog, whatever.  I really NEED my sleep since I've been chasing twins all day today, and tomorrow I'm gonna get up and chase twins all day AGAIN, but I'm putting it off.  Putting off going to bed because I'm still nervous from last night, during which, at about 2am, when I was asleep, I heard my husband gasp in a horrible way, so I woke up and rolled over to check on him, and about that time, he screamed "HEEEEYYY!"  in his maddest possible voice.  I woke him up asking "What's wrong?  What's wrong?"  He was just having a nightmare.  People were attacking him, and he was frozen, and he thought if he could yell at them loud enough, it would scare them away.  I'm sure "HEY!"  wouldn't scare off would-be attackers, probably not even dream ones, but it sure scared the poop out of me!  He never does that.  I'm the one who has nightmares and talks in my sleep and screams in my sleep and all that stuff.  It took hours for my adrenaline to quit surging so I could fall back asleep.  *Shudder.*

I myself have been having really bad nightmares lately, and so has Brenna.  We dream about people in our family getting shot, or killed in some other horrible way.  We dream about tornadoes coming and smashing us and our family to bits.  We have horrible ones about Charles in particular, I think because the two of us watched him have the seizure the day he flatlined before he got his pacemaker.  I honestly think Bren and I both have a mild case of PTSD from that little episode. 

Sometimes I have nightmares that no one wants to be friends with me anymore.  Or that I'm at a convention and I can't find my family.  Sometimes I'm in a crowded movie theater, and it's very dark, and I'm looking for whoever I'm supposed to be meeting, but every time I think it's them and walk up and start to sit down, the face turns around and it's someone scary.

But my favorite nightmares are the ones about peeing.  I have them all the time.  I'm really not sure WHY, except maybe I really need to wake up and go to the bathroom.  I'll be in a place full of people, and the signs will say that this is the restroom, but I'll go in there and there are no walls, no stalls, nothing.  And what's purported to be the commode will be something like and upholstered chair, with no hole in it or anything.  And I'll be aruguing with people "But this is not a toilet!  But everyone can see me!  I really have to go!  Where's the real toilet?"  But people will convince me to pee on a chair with upholstery and no walls around it with all kinds of people watching me, and I'm the most horrible kind of mortified.

It would be nice to understand WHY I dream these things and how to make all dreams good ones.  I guess I'll just go on to bed and hope that tonight I have the ones with the giant houses that I've inherited, or the ones where I'm flying, or the ones where I'm running naked and happy through fields full of fruit trees or down beautiful beaches. Those may be weird, but they're my happy ones, and they're infinitely preferable to the ones where my teeth shatter and fall out, or I pee in a chair in the middle of a mall.  Anyone else have this kind of weirdness in their subconscious?  Please say yes!