Well, it's happening again. I've been feeling depressed, overwhelmed, angry at the world, etc... and just not felt like writing or doing anything else. Looking back at my blog posts, I realize that the last time I felt that way for an extended period of time was about a month ago, for about a week. If you know what I mean. So that MAY have something to do with it.
I have issues with depression, which I am not shy about, but it's hard for me to write about on here or talk about in front of people I don't know very well. You never know who "gets" it and who will just think you're a wack-job. Of course, I kinda AM a wack-job, but you know what I mean. Sometimes I just feel uncomfortable letting people know just how crazy I really am. But then sometimes I think it might help other people if they are also kinda crazy and they read about my craziness and then they knew they were not alone in their nuttiness. So I vascillate about whether or not to discuss it here. I think part of it is PMS, part of it is just that the whole world SUCKS and that, like the bumper-stickers say, "If you're not outraged then you're not paying attention." I also saw a snippet of an interview that David Lettermen recently did with Oprah where he discusses his own depression, and he said "It's like looking at the world with 20/20 vision."
I have strong faith, and I have my beliefs about the future, but that doesn't make the PRESENT a whole lot easier. This world is a horrible place where unimaginably horrible things happen and no one is really safe and secure ever at any given time. You ever ride a ride at the fair or something and once it starts moving you realize it's really just too much for you to handle, you're terrified, and you just want OFF THE RIDE!? And you start praying and praying that if you can just get off the ride without dying you'll never, ever get on one like it again? That's kinda how I feel about life sometimes. It's too much! I'm not tough enough for this! Please God, make it stop!!!! And Tom Cruise can bite my hiney, cuz I'm here to say that when you take antidepressants, it takes the edge off that feeling. All the problems are still there, but for some reason, you can DEAL with it better when your seratonin level is right and your brain chemicals are firing right. At least, till PMS time rolls around and you get struck with it again. :) Gotta love PMS! Remember that song from West Side Story "I Enjoy Being A Girl?" Well, that's a bunch of crap!
So anyway, enough about that for today, but that's what happens to me sometimes, and that's the way I've been feeling lately. Just overwhelmed and sad. But then, a couple of wonderful things happened, and now I'm feeling better. First, I went to Walmart to buy myself a bottle of the cheapest possible wine, since I have recently discovered that a glass of wine, much like my meds, also takes the edge off! So I get in the line with my purchase and the lady carded me. I laughed my butt off, and I needed that. The laughing improved my mood, if not the flattery! Next, my sister texted me today, and informed me that she had dusted a live bat while she was cleaning a house, and it had flown around the room, and she had freaked out and was hiding in the bathroom while texting me. My sister is usually not afraid of anything, and the thought of the bat taking off when she dusted it and also of her hiding in the bathroom for some reason sent me into a fit of giggles that lasted so long I started wheeze-laughing like Deputy Dog. She could've gotten rabies and it really wasn't funny, but for some reason the mental image of it just had me dying! Thirdly, my Aunt Marilyn took my son for a few days, and I will miss him badly, but now that's one less child around here for me to worry about for a few days, and that takes a little load of stress off. Lastly, Brenna and I went to the 2$ movies tonight, which we haven't done in forever, and before the movie started a very annoying college girl and her mother had an extremely loud, obnoxious conversation RIGHT BEHIND US. Everyone else in the theater was whispering their conversations, but these two just practically SCREAMED theirs, and you could tell it was because they were the kind of people who want you to know that a) the girl is in college and b) she has some friends. So through this, Brenna and I came to know that the girl rides horses, lives in the creepiest building on campus, doesn't have any labs next semester, has two roommates named Katy and Veronica, and they are all taking a car trip to Michigan next year, and they plan to rent a car because by then Veronica will be 21. Also, we learned that this girl snarfs popcorn like her bucket is the last one on earth, but we did not learn that from her SAYING it. Anyway..... we were trying not to look at each-other and not to crack up laughing while they were talking to each-other SOOOO LOUDLY, but then the conversation went like this... Mom: So have you talked to Katy lately? Girl: Why would I? Mom: Because she's your roommate! Girl: Mama, that girl ain't never there exceptin to eat (insert chomps on popcorn here) and leave! And, she's so LOUD. I cain't stand how loud that girl is!
At this point, Brenna and I are shaking all over and tears are running down our faces. God forbid Katy be LOUD! Why, THAT would be obnoxious! And then, Mama chimed in with this gem... "Well, you ain't exactly quiet yourself!" At that point I was starting to snort and we had to get up and move to other seats way behind them cuz I was afraid they would beat us up when they realized we were laughing at them. And not WITH them, mind you, we were laughing AT them.
So anyway, the movie was stupid but just that little show was worth the 2$ all by itself. Now I'm gonna take me some ibuprofen, have a glass of wine, and try to get a good night's sleep. I think the funk is finally lifting! At least till next month, at about this time.