Yesterday I was riding along in the van with the twins, and they were hungry, and I did my little trick of running through McDonalds and picking up some value fries, and then tossing them to the twins all the way in the back. It occurred to me that not just anyone could do this, and I am now a near pro. If it were an olympic event, I would win. The twin's carseats are in the waaay back third row of the van, and I'm in the front driver's side (natch) and the trick is to throw the fry from one end so that it flies, end over end, right into the lap of the baby. Then they giggle, pick it up, and eat it. They're only one, so if the fry goes too far to the right or left, or misses their lap, they can't retrieve it, so it requires some pretty good hand-eye coordination to accomplish, but it is possible. And yes, I do this only at stoplights! I often wonder what the people in the cars behind me think I'm doing. As I was doing this yesterday, I thought of my sister and her three, year- apart babies, and how she used to cram bits of peanut butter sandwich into their little mouths in the station wagon on their way to places.
Another skill I have acquired since having the twins is the superhuman strength needed to hold two massive babies at once. At this point, Weston weighs just over 25lbs, Aila just over 20lbs. But I can have one on each hip, and walk around holding them ok. Which is not to say it feels great, because it doesn't, but it's much better than listening to screaming because somebody wants their mommy. When I go to bed at night, my spine sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies, cuz it's all "Snap, Crackle, and Pop!" But I can do it, and I often do.
Also, whipping up a meal for tiny hungry people. I'm pretty sure at this point I can make four slices of french toast and two scrambled eggs with cheese in a matter of seconds, with one arm tied behind my back, AND blindfolded. Anything they like to eat, I've mastered it, in record time.
The other mommy skill I have whipped is DIAPERS. The other day, I had a record of 7 poopy diapers all in one day. Weston 4, Aila 3. Today so far, there have been 3. You would not BELIEVE the amount of poo that can come out of two very healthy eating one-year olds. Also, how much you can tell about how healthy they eat FROM their poo. There's corn, there's kale, there's definite blueberry! And Aila's love for cherry tomatoes is quite evident. It's lovely. Everytime I think it's over with for awhile cuz I just changed one, one of them walks by and I get a whiff.
I can bathe them from head to toe in seconds flat. They're used to it, they don't even mind me pouring the water over their heads to wash and rinse their hair, it doesn't faze them. Also dressing them. Didja read that funny viral post about dressing a baby being like trying to get a live squid in a string bag with no arms hanging out? That's EXACTLY what it's like, but I've discovered the secret. Weston will be still if you hand him a shoe to hold. Especially one with laces. Aila will be still if you hand her a hairbrush and tell her to brush her hair and make it pretty. I can get myself and the two babies dressed, and the diaper bag packed with cups of warm milk etc.. and get four kids in the car and buckled in ALL in the time it takes my husband to dress himself. I am the master. I am Supermom. And we're usually ONLY about 15 minutes late! Lol!
I can also push a cart with one baby in it while holding the other on my hip, get a double stroller with two babies in it down stairs, open my own doors while pushing the double stroller, load the van with two babies, the groceries I just got, AND put the double stroller back in the van all by myself.
I hear a lot of "Wow!" and "Well, you've sure got your hands full!" and "How do you do all that?" When I'm out and about with the twins. I enjoy the praise, but the truth is, anybody could do it if they HAD to. It's not easy and it takes a little muscle and planning and ingenuity, but it can be done. So for all the moms out there, and especially the ones who had tiny ones right in a row, or the ones like my cousin and I who did it two at a time, We are women, hear us roar! We have skills we didn't even know we had. And if the olympics ever comes out with a poo cleaning event, I'll see you guys there!