Hi peeps! It's been forever cuz I've been BUSY and also, not really doing anything interesting enough to write about. Well, except for that I did get a job, sort of, and entered training and worked for four very long nights. But then I found out that I was not getting PAID for said training, and that made me unhappy, and that I was gonna have to buy my own uniform, and apron, etc... and then I may or may not have a job in the longrun, because the restaurant owner had brought in 30 people all the while knowing he could only keep 10. Also, I have, in the last 17 years since I last waited tables, become OLD and also FAT, which made waitressing waaaaaay harder than I remember it being, and it made it very difficult to walk after all the working, and I didn't love it. So suffice it to say that now I do NOT have a job. Well, I mean, I have lots of JOBS, but not a paying one. But the restaurant owner was adorable to me when I went in to talk to him about this, and said to me, in his Greek accent that I love, "Growing old is natural. Only thing not natural is having bad attitude. You don't have this, you have great attitude! You the sweetest woman I ever met, and I never forget it!"
And it was killing me too, just those four days, because it was the first time I had been out and about since the babies were born, and there were SO MANY stories to tell and people to imitate, but I couldn't do it cuz that's how people lose their jobs, so I didn't.
Now I'm back to sitting around the house, watching the twins and staring at my laundry pile. Periodically, I fold the laundry pile, and try to put it away, but there are piles that need to go to consignment, piles that don't fit, piles that are for next season, piles that are socks without a match, piles that go in the babies room but they're asleep at the time so I can't get in there, etc..... and as soon as I start making any headway, my daughter comes upstairs with another clean load and tosses it down, and it all begins again. And laundry is not an interesting blog topic. So I have found myself out of subjects!
Once upon a time, many years ago, I was a well-rounded person (I'm still well-rounded, but that's a different story!) I played the piano, and I went to see the symphony. I had dinner with friends, and had conversations. I read books, and not just the Bible reading for the week or People magazine either, sometimes I read ACTUAL books! I learned how to analyze handwriting and how to crochet, I studied foreign languages and wrote short stories. Now I stare at laundry piles and play with babies.
Today, my baby son had diarrhea in the car on the way to the meeting and pooped out his diaper and all over his dress pants. That was fun.
One of these days, I'm gonna have an interesting thought or an interesting experience, and I will write about it. For now, I'm gonna go vegitate on the couch and watch my Tivoed episode of "The Neighbors" and stare at the laundry some more. Good night, all!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
In Which I Love Benadryl
Babies are sick for like the zillion and twelfth time, and that is only a SLIGHT exaggeration! Lol! It's colds this time, and they've had them for over a week. I took them to the Dr. yesterday and she says they don't have sinus infections or anything like that, just a nasty, nasty cold. She recommended I give them a tiny amount of Benadryl before bedtime to help them breathe and therefore sleep. This worked WONDERFULLY! The whole time they've been sick, they've been waking up periodically and screaming, and not taking their naps during the day, cuz they can't breathe through their nose and they can't suck their fingers if they're gonna breathe through their mouth. So last night I gave them a nice warm bath, cleaned the crusty boogers off their little faces, slathered them in Vaseline like the Dr. told me to do since they're all dry and getting eczema and sores on their faces from all the runny noses, gave them 3/4 of a tsp of Benadryl each, just like she told me to do, snuggled them up and put them to bed. They slept from about 7 last night till 10:30 this morning! Then they got up, ate, played a minute, and then requested to go back to bed! And they are just not waking up from a 3 hour nap.
In case you're wondering how they ask to go to bed, seeing as how they hardly talk at all, this is how: They start crying and crying and crying and nothing I do or give them makes them stop. Then I ask "Do you want to go night-night in your bed?" and they stop crying, hold out their arms for me to pick them up, and the second I do, they put their thumb (or fingers, in Weston's case) in their mouth and start sucking away, and lay their head on my shoulder. There's no misinterpreting it! Although, on occasion, if we have people over or something and they're feeling overloaded, they've "asked" to go to bed and then just played in their together, giggling and talking and NOT going to sleep.
Anyway, it's been nice because I have had some time to myself today, and actually used it to clean off the dining room table, the computer desk, wash all the dishes, start some dinner, and study for the meeting. And I found all kinds of stuff I had forgotten about lost in the piles on my computer desk! An ultrasound, my husband's phone number list he's been searching for for like, EVER. My old list-making notebooks from before the babies were born with lists that say things like "Check blood sugar, call in blood sugar numbers, ultrasound at 11, fetal non-stress test at 2." Brings back a lot of scary memories from when the babies weren't out yet and I was so worried about their health and MY health and whether or not the horribleness of that pregnancy was gonna ever be over....really puts their colds into perspective! They may have disgusting runny noses and itchy little faces, but they're gonna be fine, and they're adorable, and most of all, they're OUT OF MY BELLY!!!! And when their little colds are really bad, I can give them 3/4 of a tsp of Benadryl which knocks them out immediately into a nice, deep sleep....Hallelujah for Benadryl!
In case you're wondering how they ask to go to bed, seeing as how they hardly talk at all, this is how: They start crying and crying and crying and nothing I do or give them makes them stop. Then I ask "Do you want to go night-night in your bed?" and they stop crying, hold out their arms for me to pick them up, and the second I do, they put their thumb (or fingers, in Weston's case) in their mouth and start sucking away, and lay their head on my shoulder. There's no misinterpreting it! Although, on occasion, if we have people over or something and they're feeling overloaded, they've "asked" to go to bed and then just played in their together, giggling and talking and NOT going to sleep.
Anyway, it's been nice because I have had some time to myself today, and actually used it to clean off the dining room table, the computer desk, wash all the dishes, start some dinner, and study for the meeting. And I found all kinds of stuff I had forgotten about lost in the piles on my computer desk! An ultrasound, my husband's phone number list he's been searching for for like, EVER. My old list-making notebooks from before the babies were born with lists that say things like "Check blood sugar, call in blood sugar numbers, ultrasound at 11, fetal non-stress test at 2." Brings back a lot of scary memories from when the babies weren't out yet and I was so worried about their health and MY health and whether or not the horribleness of that pregnancy was gonna ever be over....really puts their colds into perspective! They may have disgusting runny noses and itchy little faces, but they're gonna be fine, and they're adorable, and most of all, they're OUT OF MY BELLY!!!! And when their little colds are really bad, I can give them 3/4 of a tsp of Benadryl which knocks them out immediately into a nice, deep sleep....Hallelujah for Benadryl!
Monday, January 14, 2013
In Which I Speak of the Unspeakable
Haven't written anything in quite some time. And the greater likelihood is that I will write what I'm thinking of tonight and then delete it away. And here's the reason why: My family is suffering from a horrible problem, one that lots of people suffer from, and most people worry about at least some time in their life, but yet the entire subject is so humiliating and so taboo, you almost never hear details about it. If you have a terminal illness, or some other horrible problem, you can go to your friends and talk to them about it, and they give you emotional support to get through it. They know you're not asking them for a cure, you just need someone to talk to about what's gnawing away at your insides. But THIS problem is one of the last social taboos. You can't talk to anyone about it out of fear they'll think you're asking them to help you solve it, so you suffer in silence. I've been trying that tactic for a really long time, but I find now that I can't think, I can't write, I have trouble smiling or laughing, and I'm having violent nightly panic attacks from trying to hold it all in without venting. Worrying about it consumes most of my waking hours, and often haunts my dreams. Having it changes the way I eat, speak, think, my hobbies, the way I look, and everything else about me. It is something so horrible and so dire that I sometimes hide in the bathroom so that no one hears my sobs. I find I can no longer write on my blog because this thing is so big and so bad, I find it difficult to concentrate on or talk about anything else, and when I TRY to think of something funny, or amusing, or on the lighter side, this thing is lurking in the shadows, always hovering over me, reminding me that I shouldn't be laughing, or smiling, or thinking frivolous or happy thoughts, because IT is coming for me, and it's going to get me. This thing I'm talking about is severe financial problems. Poverty.
I didn't try in school. I was smart, and I knew it, and I thought I could get by with just that. I knew I wasn't going to college, and I figured I'd work at odd jobs and pioneer and hopefully marry someone who could help me make ends meet. I married Charles, and he had a home already, that he was buying, and his vehicles were paid for, and I thought that gave us a head start. He worked laying brick and I worked waitressing, temping, whatever I could find, so that we could try to cover our bills.
Brick masons are out of work when it's below 30 degrees outside, or if it rains, or if there's a downturn in the economy and people stop building things. Charles was always missing work and we were always in bad shape. With waitressing, the tips are up and down and sometimes nonexistent. I was still a kid then, really, and was still trying to pay off a car, and wanted to go on trips and do other stuff, and we were always on the brink of financial disaster, even way back then.
Then we started having children. Charles changed jobs and has tried several things, he cleaned carpets for awhile, which was not very lucrative, but better than the brick thing. Then he got a job teaching masonry for the high school, which was great, but they got rid of the masonry program and laid him off after three years. He worked delivering wine for awhile after that, but fell off the back of the delivery truck one day and broke his wrist and shredded his rotator cuff, and required three surgeries and months of therapy to try to fix it. It's still not right. Since then he's worked for the city, but the pay is minimal, the benefits cover him only, and it's definetely not enough for a family of six to live on.
I've done everything I could think of over the years to try to make some money. Including :Waitressing, temping, making and selling baked goods, making and selling jewelry, selling Avon, making calls for a nursing company, working at Old Navy, cleaning houses, working as a lunch lady, and working as a janitor. Most of the time, I've done two or three of those things at once, trying to keep us afloat. We had finally, FINALLY gotten to a place where we could safely pay all our bills and have a little bitty bit left over when we were working for the city, working being a lunch lady, and cleaning a bank at night. And that's when I got pregnant with the twins. Then it all went to the proverbial hell in a handbasket. Now we're down to just the one job, Charles working for the city, and me taking care of the babies twenty-four seven, and worrying myself into hysteria about how we're going to survive. We now make HALF of what we did before we had the twins, and we've added two people.
We are almost surely going to lose our house, and probably soon. It seems ironic, given the fact that this house is already way too small for our family, and in the ghetto, and falling apart and we can't afford to fix it. But we can no longer afford to pay even the mortgage on THIS house.
We have applied for and receive all the proper government aid, which it humiliates me to even admit, because I know how many people feel about such things. Yes, I'm admitting it, we survive off food stamps. And my kids only get to go to the Dr. because of Medicaid. Charles has insurance through work on himself, so that just leaves me. When I have asthma, or my depression is really bad and I need to change meds, or my thyroid needs to be checked, I have to mull over whether or not I can live through it without going to the Dr., because we SO cannot afford it. And when an emergency happens, such as, say, last year when I fell on my face while trying to stop my kid's rooms from flooding in our leaky basement, and I turn black and blue and it feels like something's broken in my cheek, I choose to ignore it. People say things like "That looks broken!" "You should go get that checked out!" Well, I can't afford to. And I have no insurance. And I'm sure it'll be fine if I just ignore it long enough. And that is how it came to be a full year later and I still have a giant dent on my cheekbone where I apparently broke it or damaged the underlying tissue so badly, my face will never be the same. I can live with the dented face, but one of my biggest worries is that next time, instead of a dented face, I find a lump in my breast, or something like that, and can't get it treated because I'm uninsured and poor, and my four children end up without a mother, homeless and living with their father in our van.
Speaking of the children, I look at them, and I feel horrible pangs of guilt because I wasn't more careful with birth control. I sometimes wonder if I'm a horrible, selfish person because I didn't give up my beautiful babies to someone more responsible than I am who can actually pay their bills and provide them with a decent place to live. They are so wonderful and they deserve a great life, and yet they have an idiot for a mother who wasn't careful and therefore had them unexpectedly when she couldn't afford to take care of them. They deserve better than me. Knowing that is such a severe blow to my ego, I cannot even put it into words. I am so thankful every day that they are here and healthy, but feel so guilty at the same time that they are here when I can't afford to properly take care of them.
The older kids need stuff for school, that seems so simple, "I've gotta have a display board for my science project and it's due on Thursday!" "My Spanish professor says we have to have a Spanish/English dictionary, she's mad we don't already have one, cuz it was in the syllabus." "Can you get me a jacket to wear to school in uniform colors? It's freezing in our classroom, but they won't let me wear this one you got me at the consignment shop because it says 'Old Navy' on it, I need a plain navy blue one." There's something like that nearly every day, something they want or something they need, and they're certainly not trying to be brats about it, they just need what they need and what can they do but ask for it? Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out how I can make the kids use only so many squares of toilet paper for the next few days, and what we can feed the cat instead of cat food, because we HAVE to make it till payday before we can buy ANYTHING. Much less a jacket, or a dictionary, or a display board.
After the meeting when everyone's going "Y'all going to eat? We're going to Katana!" or wherever it may be... and Dalton's going "Can we go? My friends are going?" and Brenna's saying "Can we, Mom? All my friends are going too!" And no, we can't go. We have to go home and eat whatever I bought on sale with food stamps and cooked the day before so that we could have something ready when we got home from the meeting. That part is not so bad, at least not to me. It's not a necessity to go out to eat. But I know how it feels to be a teenager, and everyone else is going, and you don't get to because your family is poor. I HATE that for Brenna. I just hope that going through it makes her a stronger, better, more understanding person when she's older. The kid's big going-out-to-eat-treat is Saturdays in field service when we stop at McDonalds for break. I do everything in my power to save enough money so that when we do that, they can at least enjoy a little fast food then with everyone else. I guess technically I should NEVER spend money on us eating out, and pack them little snacks and make them have that instead, but I just don't have the heart. And when there's a decent movie on at the 2$ movies, I take Brenna if I can. We both need a little escape and a little treat now and then.
We'll survive. I know we will, we always have. And I pray ALL THE TIME and I have family members praying with me that something miraculous happens and we be able to keep our house, or I somehow find a way to work without all the money I could earn going straight to daycare for the twins and Dalton, or that Charles suddenly gets a HUGE promotion, or that someone calls and offers him a wonderful new higher-paying job with lots of benefits. I keep reminding myself that the Bible promises we won't have more than we can bear, and that if the flowers and the birds are dressed beautifully and have enough to eat, so will we. Having sustenance and covering, we will be content with these things. I pray about it, and I feel better sometimes, and then something else happens and I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes, and up and down and up and down on the roller coaster that is life I go. Fortunately, I've gotten old and fat and I now have a huge dent in my face, so even if I were desperate enough to want to, I couldn't fall back on a career of stripping! Lol! JUST KIDDING!!!! (A little humor popped out there, I had a happy/funny thought, I love it when that happens!) I know that many people go through this stuff, and some of my family's even going through stuff like this with me right now. It helps to know I'm not the only one, and it helps to talk about it too, from time to time, but only with those who will not make it their personal mission to try to "fix" it (really only Jehovah can fix this one, and I HATE feeling like a charity case, and part of the reason I refuse to talk about this is because I don't want anyone to think I want them to give me money! Sometimes you just need a friend to vent to!) and those who will not judge ("I saw her buy a 2.50 bottle of wine! She shouldn't even be purchasing that when she's living off government money!") So if anyone reading this feels tempted to do either one of those things, DON'T and bite me. But I guess I felt that I couldn't keep it bottled up much longer. Trying to hide how bad things are and sound amusing and happy is just too much of a hypocritical charade for me these days. I'm down to my last thread of sanity here, and it's a frayed one! My sister said I should just stop trying to hide it all and maybe others would help pray for my family and the prayers would make a difference. So this is what I am asking anyone who reads this for: Please pray for my family to figure out our way. Please pray for us to have food, clothing, and shelter, and to be able to live simply but have what we need. Please pray for me to keep the shred of sanity I have left, and to keep my faith strong, and to have hope and courage that things will get better. And please pray these things for all the others out there who, like me, worry about these issues all the time but rarely speak of them in detail with others out of complete humiliation. Most of all, please pray that the time comes soon when none of us have to deal with poverty anymore. And anyone who's reading this who is going through or has gone through the same kind of thing, please tell me all about it so I don't feel so embarrassed and alone! Because I swear to you, I would rather post a picture of my obese self buck naked than to post what I have written here. But I started this blog to tell my story, and right now, this is the only story that I have to tell.
I didn't try in school. I was smart, and I knew it, and I thought I could get by with just that. I knew I wasn't going to college, and I figured I'd work at odd jobs and pioneer and hopefully marry someone who could help me make ends meet. I married Charles, and he had a home already, that he was buying, and his vehicles were paid for, and I thought that gave us a head start. He worked laying brick and I worked waitressing, temping, whatever I could find, so that we could try to cover our bills.
Brick masons are out of work when it's below 30 degrees outside, or if it rains, or if there's a downturn in the economy and people stop building things. Charles was always missing work and we were always in bad shape. With waitressing, the tips are up and down and sometimes nonexistent. I was still a kid then, really, and was still trying to pay off a car, and wanted to go on trips and do other stuff, and we were always on the brink of financial disaster, even way back then.
Then we started having children. Charles changed jobs and has tried several things, he cleaned carpets for awhile, which was not very lucrative, but better than the brick thing. Then he got a job teaching masonry for the high school, which was great, but they got rid of the masonry program and laid him off after three years. He worked delivering wine for awhile after that, but fell off the back of the delivery truck one day and broke his wrist and shredded his rotator cuff, and required three surgeries and months of therapy to try to fix it. It's still not right. Since then he's worked for the city, but the pay is minimal, the benefits cover him only, and it's definetely not enough for a family of six to live on.
I've done everything I could think of over the years to try to make some money. Including :Waitressing, temping, making and selling baked goods, making and selling jewelry, selling Avon, making calls for a nursing company, working at Old Navy, cleaning houses, working as a lunch lady, and working as a janitor. Most of the time, I've done two or three of those things at once, trying to keep us afloat. We had finally, FINALLY gotten to a place where we could safely pay all our bills and have a little bitty bit left over when we were working for the city, working being a lunch lady, and cleaning a bank at night. And that's when I got pregnant with the twins. Then it all went to the proverbial hell in a handbasket. Now we're down to just the one job, Charles working for the city, and me taking care of the babies twenty-four seven, and worrying myself into hysteria about how we're going to survive. We now make HALF of what we did before we had the twins, and we've added two people.
We are almost surely going to lose our house, and probably soon. It seems ironic, given the fact that this house is already way too small for our family, and in the ghetto, and falling apart and we can't afford to fix it. But we can no longer afford to pay even the mortgage on THIS house.
We have applied for and receive all the proper government aid, which it humiliates me to even admit, because I know how many people feel about such things. Yes, I'm admitting it, we survive off food stamps. And my kids only get to go to the Dr. because of Medicaid. Charles has insurance through work on himself, so that just leaves me. When I have asthma, or my depression is really bad and I need to change meds, or my thyroid needs to be checked, I have to mull over whether or not I can live through it without going to the Dr., because we SO cannot afford it. And when an emergency happens, such as, say, last year when I fell on my face while trying to stop my kid's rooms from flooding in our leaky basement, and I turn black and blue and it feels like something's broken in my cheek, I choose to ignore it. People say things like "That looks broken!" "You should go get that checked out!" Well, I can't afford to. And I have no insurance. And I'm sure it'll be fine if I just ignore it long enough. And that is how it came to be a full year later and I still have a giant dent on my cheekbone where I apparently broke it or damaged the underlying tissue so badly, my face will never be the same. I can live with the dented face, but one of my biggest worries is that next time, instead of a dented face, I find a lump in my breast, or something like that, and can't get it treated because I'm uninsured and poor, and my four children end up without a mother, homeless and living with their father in our van.
Speaking of the children, I look at them, and I feel horrible pangs of guilt because I wasn't more careful with birth control. I sometimes wonder if I'm a horrible, selfish person because I didn't give up my beautiful babies to someone more responsible than I am who can actually pay their bills and provide them with a decent place to live. They are so wonderful and they deserve a great life, and yet they have an idiot for a mother who wasn't careful and therefore had them unexpectedly when she couldn't afford to take care of them. They deserve better than me. Knowing that is such a severe blow to my ego, I cannot even put it into words. I am so thankful every day that they are here and healthy, but feel so guilty at the same time that they are here when I can't afford to properly take care of them.
The older kids need stuff for school, that seems so simple, "I've gotta have a display board for my science project and it's due on Thursday!" "My Spanish professor says we have to have a Spanish/English dictionary, she's mad we don't already have one, cuz it was in the syllabus." "Can you get me a jacket to wear to school in uniform colors? It's freezing in our classroom, but they won't let me wear this one you got me at the consignment shop because it says 'Old Navy' on it, I need a plain navy blue one." There's something like that nearly every day, something they want or something they need, and they're certainly not trying to be brats about it, they just need what they need and what can they do but ask for it? Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out how I can make the kids use only so many squares of toilet paper for the next few days, and what we can feed the cat instead of cat food, because we HAVE to make it till payday before we can buy ANYTHING. Much less a jacket, or a dictionary, or a display board.
After the meeting when everyone's going "Y'all going to eat? We're going to Katana!" or wherever it may be... and Dalton's going "Can we go? My friends are going?" and Brenna's saying "Can we, Mom? All my friends are going too!" And no, we can't go. We have to go home and eat whatever I bought on sale with food stamps and cooked the day before so that we could have something ready when we got home from the meeting. That part is not so bad, at least not to me. It's not a necessity to go out to eat. But I know how it feels to be a teenager, and everyone else is going, and you don't get to because your family is poor. I HATE that for Brenna. I just hope that going through it makes her a stronger, better, more understanding person when she's older. The kid's big going-out-to-eat-treat is Saturdays in field service when we stop at McDonalds for break. I do everything in my power to save enough money so that when we do that, they can at least enjoy a little fast food then with everyone else. I guess technically I should NEVER spend money on us eating out, and pack them little snacks and make them have that instead, but I just don't have the heart. And when there's a decent movie on at the 2$ movies, I take Brenna if I can. We both need a little escape and a little treat now and then.
We'll survive. I know we will, we always have. And I pray ALL THE TIME and I have family members praying with me that something miraculous happens and we be able to keep our house, or I somehow find a way to work without all the money I could earn going straight to daycare for the twins and Dalton, or that Charles suddenly gets a HUGE promotion, or that someone calls and offers him a wonderful new higher-paying job with lots of benefits. I keep reminding myself that the Bible promises we won't have more than we can bear, and that if the flowers and the birds are dressed beautifully and have enough to eat, so will we. Having sustenance and covering, we will be content with these things. I pray about it, and I feel better sometimes, and then something else happens and I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes, and up and down and up and down on the roller coaster that is life I go. Fortunately, I've gotten old and fat and I now have a huge dent in my face, so even if I were desperate enough to want to, I couldn't fall back on a career of stripping! Lol! JUST KIDDING!!!! (A little humor popped out there, I had a happy/funny thought, I love it when that happens!) I know that many people go through this stuff, and some of my family's even going through stuff like this with me right now. It helps to know I'm not the only one, and it helps to talk about it too, from time to time, but only with those who will not make it their personal mission to try to "fix" it (really only Jehovah can fix this one, and I HATE feeling like a charity case, and part of the reason I refuse to talk about this is because I don't want anyone to think I want them to give me money! Sometimes you just need a friend to vent to!) and those who will not judge ("I saw her buy a 2.50 bottle of wine! She shouldn't even be purchasing that when she's living off government money!") So if anyone reading this feels tempted to do either one of those things, DON'T and bite me. But I guess I felt that I couldn't keep it bottled up much longer. Trying to hide how bad things are and sound amusing and happy is just too much of a hypocritical charade for me these days. I'm down to my last thread of sanity here, and it's a frayed one! My sister said I should just stop trying to hide it all and maybe others would help pray for my family and the prayers would make a difference. So this is what I am asking anyone who reads this for: Please pray for my family to figure out our way. Please pray for us to have food, clothing, and shelter, and to be able to live simply but have what we need. Please pray for me to keep the shred of sanity I have left, and to keep my faith strong, and to have hope and courage that things will get better. And please pray these things for all the others out there who, like me, worry about these issues all the time but rarely speak of them in detail with others out of complete humiliation. Most of all, please pray that the time comes soon when none of us have to deal with poverty anymore. And anyone who's reading this who is going through or has gone through the same kind of thing, please tell me all about it so I don't feel so embarrassed and alone! Because I swear to you, I would rather post a picture of my obese self buck naked than to post what I have written here. But I started this blog to tell my story, and right now, this is the only story that I have to tell.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
In Which I Relax With My Family
Today was such a great day! Not in a riding roller-coasters, dancing and drinking champagne kind-of way. But in a chilling out with my family kind of way.
Dalton (who is nine) is off staying with my Aunt, so the house is unusually calm and quiet, even with 3 other children present! Lol! I spent yesterday putting together lasagna, and my sister made cake and salad, and she and her Beloved Hub came this morning (we haven't seen each-other in quite some time) and played with babies, ate, and talked all day. The babies warmed back up to her pretty quickly. When it's been awhile it takes them a few minutes, but I swear they know her now and it doesn't take long for them to be all over her, begging for snuggles and attention. She read them books, did "piggies," and all that good stuff babies like. We watched them jump in Aila's crib for the longest time, they both use it like it's a trampoline. We fed them and cleaned them up and all of us went to the park and took them for a walk and watched them play on the playground equipment. We all jumped and dove and climbed and did whatever it took to save the two of them from breaking their little necks, which they seemed DETERMINED to do. Weston kept trying to see what kind of noise he could make if he banged his head into the metal poles that held up the equipment, and Aila kept trying to walk off the steps at full speed. There was a lot of gasping and grabbing and going "NO!" But with four adults all working together, they not only survived, they had a great time playing.
We came back to the house and fed them a snack of bananas and cheese and juice, and then watched them run around the living room acting crazy, meowing at the cat, standing on their heads, etc... Then Brenna my 16 yr old) got a sheet and played with the twins under it as if it were a tent. They giggled their little heads off and it was quite adorable, if I do say so myself. By the time my sister had to leave, they were worn out and ready for bed.
Brenna and I watched a movie together that I had recorded and now it's time for me to head to bed myself. Just really enjoyed my day with my hubby and my sister and my kids, and now I'm just missing the one who's gone to his Auntie's house! I sure do love my crazy house full of youngins! It's crowded and messy and loud, but there's a lot of love in here.
Dalton (who is nine) is off staying with my Aunt, so the house is unusually calm and quiet, even with 3 other children present! Lol! I spent yesterday putting together lasagna, and my sister made cake and salad, and she and her Beloved Hub came this morning (we haven't seen each-other in quite some time) and played with babies, ate, and talked all day. The babies warmed back up to her pretty quickly. When it's been awhile it takes them a few minutes, but I swear they know her now and it doesn't take long for them to be all over her, begging for snuggles and attention. She read them books, did "piggies," and all that good stuff babies like. We watched them jump in Aila's crib for the longest time, they both use it like it's a trampoline. We fed them and cleaned them up and all of us went to the park and took them for a walk and watched them play on the playground equipment. We all jumped and dove and climbed and did whatever it took to save the two of them from breaking their little necks, which they seemed DETERMINED to do. Weston kept trying to see what kind of noise he could make if he banged his head into the metal poles that held up the equipment, and Aila kept trying to walk off the steps at full speed. There was a lot of gasping and grabbing and going "NO!" But with four adults all working together, they not only survived, they had a great time playing.
We came back to the house and fed them a snack of bananas and cheese and juice, and then watched them run around the living room acting crazy, meowing at the cat, standing on their heads, etc... Then Brenna my 16 yr old) got a sheet and played with the twins under it as if it were a tent. They giggled their little heads off and it was quite adorable, if I do say so myself. By the time my sister had to leave, they were worn out and ready for bed.
Brenna and I watched a movie together that I had recorded and now it's time for me to head to bed myself. Just really enjoyed my day with my hubby and my sister and my kids, and now I'm just missing the one who's gone to his Auntie's house! I sure do love my crazy house full of youngins! It's crowded and messy and loud, but there's a lot of love in here.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Well, it's happening again. I've been feeling depressed, overwhelmed, angry at the world, etc... and just not felt like writing or doing anything else. Looking back at my blog posts, I realize that the last time I felt that way for an extended period of time was about a month ago, for about a week. If you know what I mean. So that MAY have something to do with it.
I have issues with depression, which I am not shy about, but it's hard for me to write about on here or talk about in front of people I don't know very well. You never know who "gets" it and who will just think you're a wack-job. Of course, I kinda AM a wack-job, but you know what I mean. Sometimes I just feel uncomfortable letting people know just how crazy I really am. But then sometimes I think it might help other people if they are also kinda crazy and they read about my craziness and then they knew they were not alone in their nuttiness. So I vascillate about whether or not to discuss it here. I think part of it is PMS, part of it is just that the whole world SUCKS and that, like the bumper-stickers say, "If you're not outraged then you're not paying attention." I also saw a snippet of an interview that David Lettermen recently did with Oprah where he discusses his own depression, and he said "It's like looking at the world with 20/20 vision."
I have strong faith, and I have my beliefs about the future, but that doesn't make the PRESENT a whole lot easier. This world is a horrible place where unimaginably horrible things happen and no one is really safe and secure ever at any given time. You ever ride a ride at the fair or something and once it starts moving you realize it's really just too much for you to handle, you're terrified, and you just want OFF THE RIDE!? And you start praying and praying that if you can just get off the ride without dying you'll never, ever get on one like it again? That's kinda how I feel about life sometimes. It's too much! I'm not tough enough for this! Please God, make it stop!!!! And Tom Cruise can bite my hiney, cuz I'm here to say that when you take antidepressants, it takes the edge off that feeling. All the problems are still there, but for some reason, you can DEAL with it better when your seratonin level is right and your brain chemicals are firing right. At least, till PMS time rolls around and you get struck with it again. :) Gotta love PMS! Remember that song from West Side Story "I Enjoy Being A Girl?" Well, that's a bunch of crap!
So anyway, enough about that for today, but that's what happens to me sometimes, and that's the way I've been feeling lately. Just overwhelmed and sad. But then, a couple of wonderful things happened, and now I'm feeling better. First, I went to Walmart to buy myself a bottle of the cheapest possible wine, since I have recently discovered that a glass of wine, much like my meds, also takes the edge off! So I get in the line with my purchase and the lady carded me. I laughed my butt off, and I needed that. The laughing improved my mood, if not the flattery! Next, my sister texted me today, and informed me that she had dusted a live bat while she was cleaning a house, and it had flown around the room, and she had freaked out and was hiding in the bathroom while texting me. My sister is usually not afraid of anything, and the thought of the bat taking off when she dusted it and also of her hiding in the bathroom for some reason sent me into a fit of giggles that lasted so long I started wheeze-laughing like Deputy Dog. She could've gotten rabies and it really wasn't funny, but for some reason the mental image of it just had me dying! Thirdly, my Aunt Marilyn took my son for a few days, and I will miss him badly, but now that's one less child around here for me to worry about for a few days, and that takes a little load of stress off. Lastly, Brenna and I went to the 2$ movies tonight, which we haven't done in forever, and before the movie started a very annoying college girl and her mother had an extremely loud, obnoxious conversation RIGHT BEHIND US. Everyone else in the theater was whispering their conversations, but these two just practically SCREAMED theirs, and you could tell it was because they were the kind of people who want you to know that a) the girl is in college and b) she has some friends. So through this, Brenna and I came to know that the girl rides horses, lives in the creepiest building on campus, doesn't have any labs next semester, has two roommates named Katy and Veronica, and they are all taking a car trip to Michigan next year, and they plan to rent a car because by then Veronica will be 21. Also, we learned that this girl snarfs popcorn like her bucket is the last one on earth, but we did not learn that from her SAYING it. Anyway..... we were trying not to look at each-other and not to crack up laughing while they were talking to each-other SOOOO LOUDLY, but then the conversation went like this... Mom: So have you talked to Katy lately? Girl: Why would I? Mom: Because she's your roommate! Girl: Mama, that girl ain't never there exceptin to eat (insert chomps on popcorn here) and leave! And, she's so LOUD. I cain't stand how loud that girl is!
At this point, Brenna and I are shaking all over and tears are running down our faces. God forbid Katy be LOUD! Why, THAT would be obnoxious! And then, Mama chimed in with this gem... "Well, you ain't exactly quiet yourself!" At that point I was starting to snort and we had to get up and move to other seats way behind them cuz I was afraid they would beat us up when they realized we were laughing at them. And not WITH them, mind you, we were laughing AT them.
So anyway, the movie was stupid but just that little show was worth the 2$ all by itself. Now I'm gonna take me some ibuprofen, have a glass of wine, and try to get a good night's sleep. I think the funk is finally lifting! At least till next month, at about this time.
I have issues with depression, which I am not shy about, but it's hard for me to write about on here or talk about in front of people I don't know very well. You never know who "gets" it and who will just think you're a wack-job. Of course, I kinda AM a wack-job, but you know what I mean. Sometimes I just feel uncomfortable letting people know just how crazy I really am. But then sometimes I think it might help other people if they are also kinda crazy and they read about my craziness and then they knew they were not alone in their nuttiness. So I vascillate about whether or not to discuss it here. I think part of it is PMS, part of it is just that the whole world SUCKS and that, like the bumper-stickers say, "If you're not outraged then you're not paying attention." I also saw a snippet of an interview that David Lettermen recently did with Oprah where he discusses his own depression, and he said "It's like looking at the world with 20/20 vision."
I have strong faith, and I have my beliefs about the future, but that doesn't make the PRESENT a whole lot easier. This world is a horrible place where unimaginably horrible things happen and no one is really safe and secure ever at any given time. You ever ride a ride at the fair or something and once it starts moving you realize it's really just too much for you to handle, you're terrified, and you just want OFF THE RIDE!? And you start praying and praying that if you can just get off the ride without dying you'll never, ever get on one like it again? That's kinda how I feel about life sometimes. It's too much! I'm not tough enough for this! Please God, make it stop!!!! And Tom Cruise can bite my hiney, cuz I'm here to say that when you take antidepressants, it takes the edge off that feeling. All the problems are still there, but for some reason, you can DEAL with it better when your seratonin level is right and your brain chemicals are firing right. At least, till PMS time rolls around and you get struck with it again. :) Gotta love PMS! Remember that song from West Side Story "I Enjoy Being A Girl?" Well, that's a bunch of crap!
So anyway, enough about that for today, but that's what happens to me sometimes, and that's the way I've been feeling lately. Just overwhelmed and sad. But then, a couple of wonderful things happened, and now I'm feeling better. First, I went to Walmart to buy myself a bottle of the cheapest possible wine, since I have recently discovered that a glass of wine, much like my meds, also takes the edge off! So I get in the line with my purchase and the lady carded me. I laughed my butt off, and I needed that. The laughing improved my mood, if not the flattery! Next, my sister texted me today, and informed me that she had dusted a live bat while she was cleaning a house, and it had flown around the room, and she had freaked out and was hiding in the bathroom while texting me. My sister is usually not afraid of anything, and the thought of the bat taking off when she dusted it and also of her hiding in the bathroom for some reason sent me into a fit of giggles that lasted so long I started wheeze-laughing like Deputy Dog. She could've gotten rabies and it really wasn't funny, but for some reason the mental image of it just had me dying! Thirdly, my Aunt Marilyn took my son for a few days, and I will miss him badly, but now that's one less child around here for me to worry about for a few days, and that takes a little load of stress off. Lastly, Brenna and I went to the 2$ movies tonight, which we haven't done in forever, and before the movie started a very annoying college girl and her mother had an extremely loud, obnoxious conversation RIGHT BEHIND US. Everyone else in the theater was whispering their conversations, but these two just practically SCREAMED theirs, and you could tell it was because they were the kind of people who want you to know that a) the girl is in college and b) she has some friends. So through this, Brenna and I came to know that the girl rides horses, lives in the creepiest building on campus, doesn't have any labs next semester, has two roommates named Katy and Veronica, and they are all taking a car trip to Michigan next year, and they plan to rent a car because by then Veronica will be 21. Also, we learned that this girl snarfs popcorn like her bucket is the last one on earth, but we did not learn that from her SAYING it. Anyway..... we were trying not to look at each-other and not to crack up laughing while they were talking to each-other SOOOO LOUDLY, but then the conversation went like this... Mom: So have you talked to Katy lately? Girl: Why would I? Mom: Because she's your roommate! Girl: Mama, that girl ain't never there exceptin to eat (insert chomps on popcorn here) and leave! And, she's so LOUD. I cain't stand how loud that girl is!
At this point, Brenna and I are shaking all over and tears are running down our faces. God forbid Katy be LOUD! Why, THAT would be obnoxious! And then, Mama chimed in with this gem... "Well, you ain't exactly quiet yourself!" At that point I was starting to snort and we had to get up and move to other seats way behind them cuz I was afraid they would beat us up when they realized we were laughing at them. And not WITH them, mind you, we were laughing AT them.
So anyway, the movie was stupid but just that little show was worth the 2$ all by itself. Now I'm gonna take me some ibuprofen, have a glass of wine, and try to get a good night's sleep. I think the funk is finally lifting! At least till next month, at about this time.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
In Which The Kids Are Sick Adadgummedgain
Twins and I were waiting in the van for Dalton to get off the bus on Friday so we could go run some errands. He jumped in and announced that his head hurt and that he couldn't wait to get home, put on some pajamas, and "rest my head." I thought that was kind of a weird thing to say, but I wasn't too concerened. A little later, while running the errands, he asked me, "Mom, what's the flu?" I explained what it is and asked why he wanted to know. "Cuz some of my friends at school are out cuz they have the flu." Should've been clue number two, but it didn't register. Then we picked up Brenna, and we all went home. When we pulled into the driveway, Dalton said "I can't wait to go inside and run myself a nice hot bath. I might even put a cold washcloth on my head to make it feel better." Brenna turned to me, confused, and made a very rude and yet hilarious comment about him turning into a girl. I STILL didn't think to check the kid's forehead. He took his bath, wrapped himself in a giant blanket (and it was warmish!) and laid down on the sofa, and that's when I saw it. Whenever he gets a fever, his eyes turn down even more than they normally do, and they sink back in his head. Charles saw it at about the same time I did and said "Does he have a fever?" Sure enough, he was burning up.
I told him to go watch movies in his room and stay there so he'd be away from the babies. They have had flu shots, but you know how it is, there's so many different strains, it seems like people always get it anyway. And everyone in our house has taken turns being sick for the past month or so, so here we go again. Also, the babies have had diarrhea for 2 days straight, but I'm telling myself they're just teething. They get all pitiful when they've had an "episode," and they come to me wanting to be picked up. I pick them up, and then get a whiff, or worse, feel something wet. Twice now I've had to change my own clothes. That's always fun.
So today, we missed service (but everyone slept in till 11 and it felt great!) and we also had to cancel plans we had to go to someone's house for dinner. Bren and I waited till the babies went to bed and snuck off to Target to look at things we want but can't afford and then to the frozen yogurt place to make sure we, and when I say "we" I mean of course I, don't waste away to nothing for the winter, cuz that would be unfortunate. Brenna made jokes the whole time about how cool she is and how all her friends are probably so jealous, getting to hang out with her mom on a Saturday night at Target. But I swear, to me there is nothing quite as fun as when the two of us are together and alone in the car and can sing along to the Shakira cd and imitate the parts where she sounds like a goat, the parts where she sounds like Kermit the Frog, and even imitate the guitar. Or when we're walking through the store and we pass someone who's doing something (talking too loud on their cellphone, or some stupid teenage boy acting a fool to impress his friends, or a goth and highly unbathed couple looking at Twilight posters, etc...) and we don't even say a word, we just meet eyes and share our opinion via meeting of the minds. It's so cool to have a younger, cuter, smarter, thinner, better-at-math version of myself to hang out with!
Later, we'll watch SNL together and then quote the funny parts to each other for weeks. Also, we both have that Raynaud's syndrome thingy where are feet and hands are always frozen from poor circulation. So when we watch SNL together we will both try to stick our feet under the other's hiney for warmth. It's a tradition.
Behind me there are nasty, nasty high chairs and a nasty, nasty floor beneath them where earlier, while "eating" dinner, Aila decided to throw meatloaf, green beans, and pickled beets. I am so sick of cleaning up those kinds of messes, I just left it there and went to Target. Now I'm leaving it there and typing. I should probably go clean it up. *Sigh.*
So if you don't hear from me for a few days, it's because I'm back in sick kid land. Checking temperatures, changing poo diapers, and stepping in pickled beets.
I told him to go watch movies in his room and stay there so he'd be away from the babies. They have had flu shots, but you know how it is, there's so many different strains, it seems like people always get it anyway. And everyone in our house has taken turns being sick for the past month or so, so here we go again. Also, the babies have had diarrhea for 2 days straight, but I'm telling myself they're just teething. They get all pitiful when they've had an "episode," and they come to me wanting to be picked up. I pick them up, and then get a whiff, or worse, feel something wet. Twice now I've had to change my own clothes. That's always fun.
So today, we missed service (but everyone slept in till 11 and it felt great!) and we also had to cancel plans we had to go to someone's house for dinner. Bren and I waited till the babies went to bed and snuck off to Target to look at things we want but can't afford and then to the frozen yogurt place to make sure we, and when I say "we" I mean of course I, don't waste away to nothing for the winter, cuz that would be unfortunate. Brenna made jokes the whole time about how cool she is and how all her friends are probably so jealous, getting to hang out with her mom on a Saturday night at Target. But I swear, to me there is nothing quite as fun as when the two of us are together and alone in the car and can sing along to the Shakira cd and imitate the parts where she sounds like a goat, the parts where she sounds like Kermit the Frog, and even imitate the guitar. Or when we're walking through the store and we pass someone who's doing something (talking too loud on their cellphone, or some stupid teenage boy acting a fool to impress his friends, or a goth and highly unbathed couple looking at Twilight posters, etc...) and we don't even say a word, we just meet eyes and share our opinion via meeting of the minds. It's so cool to have a younger, cuter, smarter, thinner, better-at-math version of myself to hang out with!
Later, we'll watch SNL together and then quote the funny parts to each other for weeks. Also, we both have that Raynaud's syndrome thingy where are feet and hands are always frozen from poor circulation. So when we watch SNL together we will both try to stick our feet under the other's hiney for warmth. It's a tradition.
Behind me there are nasty, nasty high chairs and a nasty, nasty floor beneath them where earlier, while "eating" dinner, Aila decided to throw meatloaf, green beans, and pickled beets. I am so sick of cleaning up those kinds of messes, I just left it there and went to Target. Now I'm leaving it there and typing. I should probably go clean it up. *Sigh.*
So if you don't hear from me for a few days, it's because I'm back in sick kid land. Checking temperatures, changing poo diapers, and stepping in pickled beets.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
In Which I Got Mad Skills Yo
Yesterday I was riding along in the van with the twins, and they were hungry, and I did my little trick of running through McDonalds and picking up some value fries, and then tossing them to the twins all the way in the back. It occurred to me that not just anyone could do this, and I am now a near pro. If it were an olympic event, I would win. The twin's carseats are in the waaay back third row of the van, and I'm in the front driver's side (natch) and the trick is to throw the fry from one end so that it flies, end over end, right into the lap of the baby. Then they giggle, pick it up, and eat it. They're only one, so if the fry goes too far to the right or left, or misses their lap, they can't retrieve it, so it requires some pretty good hand-eye coordination to accomplish, but it is possible. And yes, I do this only at stoplights! I often wonder what the people in the cars behind me think I'm doing. As I was doing this yesterday, I thought of my sister and her three, year- apart babies, and how she used to cram bits of peanut butter sandwich into their little mouths in the station wagon on their way to places.
Another skill I have acquired since having the twins is the superhuman strength needed to hold two massive babies at once. At this point, Weston weighs just over 25lbs, Aila just over 20lbs. But I can have one on each hip, and walk around holding them ok. Which is not to say it feels great, because it doesn't, but it's much better than listening to screaming because somebody wants their mommy. When I go to bed at night, my spine sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies, cuz it's all "Snap, Crackle, and Pop!" But I can do it, and I often do.
Also, whipping up a meal for tiny hungry people. I'm pretty sure at this point I can make four slices of french toast and two scrambled eggs with cheese in a matter of seconds, with one arm tied behind my back, AND blindfolded. Anything they like to eat, I've mastered it, in record time.
The other mommy skill I have whipped is DIAPERS. The other day, I had a record of 7 poopy diapers all in one day. Weston 4, Aila 3. Today so far, there have been 3. You would not BELIEVE the amount of poo that can come out of two very healthy eating one-year olds. Also, how much you can tell about how healthy they eat FROM their poo. There's corn, there's kale, there's definite blueberry! And Aila's love for cherry tomatoes is quite evident. It's lovely. Everytime I think it's over with for awhile cuz I just changed one, one of them walks by and I get a whiff.
I can bathe them from head to toe in seconds flat. They're used to it, they don't even mind me pouring the water over their heads to wash and rinse their hair, it doesn't faze them. Also dressing them. Didja read that funny viral post about dressing a baby being like trying to get a live squid in a string bag with no arms hanging out? That's EXACTLY what it's like, but I've discovered the secret. Weston will be still if you hand him a shoe to hold. Especially one with laces. Aila will be still if you hand her a hairbrush and tell her to brush her hair and make it pretty. I can get myself and the two babies dressed, and the diaper bag packed with cups of warm milk etc.. and get four kids in the car and buckled in ALL in the time it takes my husband to dress himself. I am the master. I am Supermom. And we're usually ONLY about 15 minutes late! Lol!
I can also push a cart with one baby in it while holding the other on my hip, get a double stroller with two babies in it down stairs, open my own doors while pushing the double stroller, load the van with two babies, the groceries I just got, AND put the double stroller back in the van all by myself.
I hear a lot of "Wow!" and "Well, you've sure got your hands full!" and "How do you do all that?" When I'm out and about with the twins. I enjoy the praise, but the truth is, anybody could do it if they HAD to. It's not easy and it takes a little muscle and planning and ingenuity, but it can be done. So for all the moms out there, and especially the ones who had tiny ones right in a row, or the ones like my cousin and I who did it two at a time, We are women, hear us roar! We have skills we didn't even know we had. And if the olympics ever comes out with a poo cleaning event, I'll see you guys there!
Another skill I have acquired since having the twins is the superhuman strength needed to hold two massive babies at once. At this point, Weston weighs just over 25lbs, Aila just over 20lbs. But I can have one on each hip, and walk around holding them ok. Which is not to say it feels great, because it doesn't, but it's much better than listening to screaming because somebody wants their mommy. When I go to bed at night, my spine sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies, cuz it's all "Snap, Crackle, and Pop!" But I can do it, and I often do.
Also, whipping up a meal for tiny hungry people. I'm pretty sure at this point I can make four slices of french toast and two scrambled eggs with cheese in a matter of seconds, with one arm tied behind my back, AND blindfolded. Anything they like to eat, I've mastered it, in record time.
The other mommy skill I have whipped is DIAPERS. The other day, I had a record of 7 poopy diapers all in one day. Weston 4, Aila 3. Today so far, there have been 3. You would not BELIEVE the amount of poo that can come out of two very healthy eating one-year olds. Also, how much you can tell about how healthy they eat FROM their poo. There's corn, there's kale, there's definite blueberry! And Aila's love for cherry tomatoes is quite evident. It's lovely. Everytime I think it's over with for awhile cuz I just changed one, one of them walks by and I get a whiff.
I can bathe them from head to toe in seconds flat. They're used to it, they don't even mind me pouring the water over their heads to wash and rinse their hair, it doesn't faze them. Also dressing them. Didja read that funny viral post about dressing a baby being like trying to get a live squid in a string bag with no arms hanging out? That's EXACTLY what it's like, but I've discovered the secret. Weston will be still if you hand him a shoe to hold. Especially one with laces. Aila will be still if you hand her a hairbrush and tell her to brush her hair and make it pretty. I can get myself and the two babies dressed, and the diaper bag packed with cups of warm milk etc.. and get four kids in the car and buckled in ALL in the time it takes my husband to dress himself. I am the master. I am Supermom. And we're usually ONLY about 15 minutes late! Lol!
I can also push a cart with one baby in it while holding the other on my hip, get a double stroller with two babies in it down stairs, open my own doors while pushing the double stroller, load the van with two babies, the groceries I just got, AND put the double stroller back in the van all by myself.
I hear a lot of "Wow!" and "Well, you've sure got your hands full!" and "How do you do all that?" When I'm out and about with the twins. I enjoy the praise, but the truth is, anybody could do it if they HAD to. It's not easy and it takes a little muscle and planning and ingenuity, but it can be done. So for all the moms out there, and especially the ones who had tiny ones right in a row, or the ones like my cousin and I who did it two at a time, We are women, hear us roar! We have skills we didn't even know we had. And if the olympics ever comes out with a poo cleaning event, I'll see you guys there!
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